CONGRESS DOES IT ALL NIGHT LONG BABY
This is a blow-by-blow, running update of the all-night Congressional session on the topic of the Levin/Reed amendment, which would set a date for the beginning of troop reductions in Iraq, 120 days after the enactment of the act. All times EST. BUCKLE YOUR SEATBELTS
WE BEGIN at 4:10 am: John McCain has been talking about, you know, something. He seamlessly transitioned from talking about some optometrist in Baghdad to rockets in Hezbollah. And then, hilariously, his cell goes off; it has one of the generic Verizon ringtones. He looks mildly perturbed at this, and seems to have problems turning it off.
4:14 am: Hilary is up. Her eyes are less than half open, and you could generously describe her speech as "halting", or more realistically as "fucking exhausted." I hope the speeches just get more hilariously disjointed as the night goes on. Hopefully they have a pile of blow in the back to keep folks alert.
4:20 am: Hilary has been talking for six minutes and has expressed about three ideas, one of which was regarding people living in cars, or something. My mind wanders to what exactly is going on in the room off the Congressional meeting room, wherein cots have been set up so senators can take naps. First off, this seems like cheating; drink coffee, boys! Secondly, I want to see someone wake up and immediately go out to speak, preferably someone north of 70, just to see what happens. "Wha.. huh... whu... ... Iraq... support the troops... God bless... America... what time is it... the fuck am I up for?"
4:27 am: She makes the point that Bush has not paid for any of the $450 billion plus that he has asked for on the Iraq war, saying that it was put on "the American credit card." I wish my credit card had a limit that high. She is also putting me to sleep; McCain at least kept me engaged by getting important phone calls at 4:15 in the morning. The question isn't if it was a prank, but if it was a Dem or a Republican. The number was probably listed as restricted.
4:32 am: Hilary rather hilariously lists North Korea as an example of the success of diplomacy. Is "they're still crazy and want to nuke someone" success? Hilary almost forgets to recognize the next few speakers on the floor. Sen. Norm Coleman (R-Minnesota) helpfully mentions that the Senate chamber is air-conditioned. It should also be mentioned that everyone so far is well-coiffed and professionally attired. I'm 40 years younger than everyone there and wouldn't give a shit enough to be in a suit and tie at 4 am. I'd be three martinis deep and come in pajama pants and a faded Hulkamania t-shirt.
4:39 am: Coleman asks, "How did we end up here tonight making a withdrawal date before official reports regarding the Iraq war have come out?" Considering that there's been a few reports, I think his real question is just "Why are we here at 4:30 am?" He also looks like John Kerry with all the facial features pushed up and tightened. Do long faces = political success?
4:42 am: Coleman: "We are planning to go forward with a plan for withdrawal... that has not been planned." I can see where this is a problem. Hilarious Freudian slip probably caused by lack of sleep: "There is concern that there is... a Kurdistan..."
4:51 am: Sen. Bob Casey (D-Pennsylvania) takes the floor, and asks for fifteen minutes as well as a two-minute warning so that he doesn't go over his allotted time. Oh boy. Good thing I am already distracted by his unibrow. How does a senator go through the entire process of getting elected without anyone helpfully asking him to shave the thing?
4:53 am: I love when modern politicans quote politicans of yore; Coleman quoted Madison and Hamilton, and Casey quotes Lincoln. It's like saying, "My point can best be made by someone who spoke two hundred years ago and has no relation to this situation whatsoever."
4:54 am: "This government has asked our troops to referee a civil war." How many IEDs does it take for someone to foul out? Casey is currently touting the credentials of Levin and Reed, because not only does everyone who'll be voting on this not know, they also care very much.
4:58 am: His unibrow is so devestating, that both eyebrows raise when he clearly means to cock only one. He's also doing the eyes-half-open thing, and they only get more squinty when he makes a point. His entire middle of his face thus becomes one black bar.
5:05 am: Sen. John Barrasso (R-Wyoming) has asked for FIVE MINUTES. He makes the point that it's three A.M. where he's from, and that they're probably not watching. I am the only one crazy enough to do it. He also makes the point that he's a former surgeon and physician and thus is used to working these hours. He has taken two minutes of his five and not made any points. DO IT BARRASSO! "I went to Walter Reed and saw soldiers who lost a limb... and wanted to go back out and fight with their friends for freedom." Do these people really exist? The Army has never been accused of recruiting the best and brightest, but come on.
5:08 am: He is talking about going to the rodeo. I never thought you could actually hear senators tune out during a session, but it's happening right now. Barrasso wraps up, and the roll is called.
5:13 am: Hilary has changed into a lavender shawl thing. The CSPAN-2 commentator takes a moment to let viewers know that Barrasso's speech was his first on the floor. When CSPAN has to apologize for a politician speaking poorly, there's a problem. Majority leader Harry Reid calls for a procedural vote to bring everyone to the floor. WAKE THE FUCK UP GUYS
I am struggling to stay awake. I try to psyche myself up by thinking of rodeos.
After that vote, there seems to be less senators on the floor. Maybe I don't get the point of what just happened; maybe they're all killing themselves.
5:25 am: Fading... fading... screw this. Hearing a senator talk about rodeos at 5 in the morning was good enough for me.
WE BEGIN at 4:10 am: John McCain has been talking about, you know, something. He seamlessly transitioned from talking about some optometrist in Baghdad to rockets in Hezbollah. And then, hilariously, his cell goes off; it has one of the generic Verizon ringtones. He looks mildly perturbed at this, and seems to have problems turning it off.
4:14 am: Hilary is up. Her eyes are less than half open, and you could generously describe her speech as "halting", or more realistically as "fucking exhausted." I hope the speeches just get more hilariously disjointed as the night goes on. Hopefully they have a pile of blow in the back to keep folks alert.
4:20 am: Hilary has been talking for six minutes and has expressed about three ideas, one of which was regarding people living in cars, or something. My mind wanders to what exactly is going on in the room off the Congressional meeting room, wherein cots have been set up so senators can take naps. First off, this seems like cheating; drink coffee, boys! Secondly, I want to see someone wake up and immediately go out to speak, preferably someone north of 70, just to see what happens. "Wha.. huh... whu... ... Iraq... support the troops... God bless... America... what time is it... the fuck am I up for?"
4:27 am: She makes the point that Bush has not paid for any of the $450 billion plus that he has asked for on the Iraq war, saying that it was put on "the American credit card." I wish my credit card had a limit that high. She is also putting me to sleep; McCain at least kept me engaged by getting important phone calls at 4:15 in the morning. The question isn't if it was a prank, but if it was a Dem or a Republican. The number was probably listed as restricted.
4:32 am: Hilary rather hilariously lists North Korea as an example of the success of diplomacy. Is "they're still crazy and want to nuke someone" success? Hilary almost forgets to recognize the next few speakers on the floor. Sen. Norm Coleman (R-Minnesota) helpfully mentions that the Senate chamber is air-conditioned. It should also be mentioned that everyone so far is well-coiffed and professionally attired. I'm 40 years younger than everyone there and wouldn't give a shit enough to be in a suit and tie at 4 am. I'd be three martinis deep and come in pajama pants and a faded Hulkamania t-shirt.
4:39 am: Coleman asks, "How did we end up here tonight making a withdrawal date before official reports regarding the Iraq war have come out?" Considering that there's been a few reports, I think his real question is just "Why are we here at 4:30 am?" He also looks like John Kerry with all the facial features pushed up and tightened. Do long faces = political success?
4:42 am: Coleman: "We are planning to go forward with a plan for withdrawal... that has not been planned." I can see where this is a problem. Hilarious Freudian slip probably caused by lack of sleep: "There is concern that there is... a Kurdistan..."
4:51 am: Sen. Bob Casey (D-Pennsylvania) takes the floor, and asks for fifteen minutes as well as a two-minute warning so that he doesn't go over his allotted time. Oh boy. Good thing I am already distracted by his unibrow. How does a senator go through the entire process of getting elected without anyone helpfully asking him to shave the thing?
4:53 am: I love when modern politicans quote politicans of yore; Coleman quoted Madison and Hamilton, and Casey quotes Lincoln. It's like saying, "My point can best be made by someone who spoke two hundred years ago and has no relation to this situation whatsoever."
4:54 am: "This government has asked our troops to referee a civil war." How many IEDs does it take for someone to foul out? Casey is currently touting the credentials of Levin and Reed, because not only does everyone who'll be voting on this not know, they also care very much.
4:58 am: His unibrow is so devestating, that both eyebrows raise when he clearly means to cock only one. He's also doing the eyes-half-open thing, and they only get more squinty when he makes a point. His entire middle of his face thus becomes one black bar.
5:05 am: Sen. John Barrasso (R-Wyoming) has asked for FIVE MINUTES. He makes the point that it's three A.M. where he's from, and that they're probably not watching. I am the only one crazy enough to do it. He also makes the point that he's a former surgeon and physician and thus is used to working these hours. He has taken two minutes of his five and not made any points. DO IT BARRASSO! "I went to Walter Reed and saw soldiers who lost a limb... and wanted to go back out and fight with their friends for freedom." Do these people really exist? The Army has never been accused of recruiting the best and brightest, but come on.
5:08 am: He is talking about going to the rodeo. I never thought you could actually hear senators tune out during a session, but it's happening right now. Barrasso wraps up, and the roll is called.
5:13 am: Hilary has changed into a lavender shawl thing. The CSPAN-2 commentator takes a moment to let viewers know that Barrasso's speech was his first on the floor. When CSPAN has to apologize for a politician speaking poorly, there's a problem. Majority leader Harry Reid calls for a procedural vote to bring everyone to the floor. WAKE THE FUCK UP GUYS
I am struggling to stay awake. I try to psyche myself up by thinking of rodeos.
After that vote, there seems to be less senators on the floor. Maybe I don't get the point of what just happened; maybe they're all killing themselves.
5:25 am: Fading... fading... screw this. Hearing a senator talk about rodeos at 5 in the morning was good enough for me.
posted by jiromania at 1:11 AM
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