Best sandwich ever.
Oh god, it's so tasty.
YOU WILL NEED:
Two (2) pieces of bread
One large portion of may-o-nnaise
Two (2) pieces of cotto salami
Two each of slices of chedder and swiss bread
One (1) container of Old Bay seasoning.
Instructions:
1. Place the first piece of bread on the cooking surface, and then add the two pieces of salami. This bread piece will be lonely for a while; the author suggests talking to and possibly cooing to it, perhaps to the tune of "Wanted: Dead or Alive" by Bon Jovi.
2. Spread that mayo and that Old Bay onto the top piece of salami. Yeah, you like that... you dirty salami.
3. Place the two pieces of sliced cheddar onto the salami. Make sure the mayo on the salami doesn't get spread too unevenly, otherwise the God of Condiments will come and wreck you.
4. After the placing of the cheddar, sprinkle Old Bay and then slather in mayo. Resist the temptation to devour the concotion immediately; eating it now would be amazing, but eating it later will be like selling 300,000 copies of your album and going "double uranium" as a result.
5. Finally, place upon the altar two pieces of Swiss cheese. Ponder the signifance of the Swiss laying claim to the only cheese that usually has holes in it, and then ponder why you're pondering that. You're probably high. You God damn hippie.
6. Double finally, lovingly spread upon these two incestuous pieces of Swiss cheese more mayo - mayo til you drop, rock rock never stop. (It's got it like that, baby. Mayo is delicious.) Make sure that you sprinkle some Old Bay seasoning in there, because they probably haven't had enough yet.
7. Extremely finally, christen the abomination with the final, curative piece of bread. Admire it. Imagine you were there when Da Vinci painted the Last Supper (with a cameo by: Judas!), or if you were there when Van Gogh looked onto the horizon and painted "A Starry Night", or if you had been a screaming eight-year-old boy when Hulk Hogan pinned Andre the Giant after a massive bodyslam in Detroit, Michigan at the Pontiac Silverdome in front of 93,000 people. Basically: It's one of a kind, and - somehow - delicious.
8. Eat it. I've had three during the time it took me to write this. Fuckin' mayo is gonna send me to an early grave.
YOU WILL NEED:
Two (2) pieces of bread
One large portion of may-o-nnaise
Two (2) pieces of cotto salami
Two each of slices of chedder and swiss bread
One (1) container of Old Bay seasoning.
Instructions:
1. Place the first piece of bread on the cooking surface, and then add the two pieces of salami. This bread piece will be lonely for a while; the author suggests talking to and possibly cooing to it, perhaps to the tune of "Wanted: Dead or Alive" by Bon Jovi.
2. Spread that mayo and that Old Bay onto the top piece of salami. Yeah, you like that... you dirty salami.
3. Place the two pieces of sliced cheddar onto the salami. Make sure the mayo on the salami doesn't get spread too unevenly, otherwise the God of Condiments will come and wreck you.
4. After the placing of the cheddar, sprinkle Old Bay and then slather in mayo. Resist the temptation to devour the concotion immediately; eating it now would be amazing, but eating it later will be like selling 300,000 copies of your album and going "double uranium" as a result.
5. Finally, place upon the altar two pieces of Swiss cheese. Ponder the signifance of the Swiss laying claim to the only cheese that usually has holes in it, and then ponder why you're pondering that. You're probably high. You God damn hippie.
6. Double finally, lovingly spread upon these two incestuous pieces of Swiss cheese more mayo - mayo til you drop, rock rock never stop. (It's got it like that, baby. Mayo is delicious.) Make sure that you sprinkle some Old Bay seasoning in there, because they probably haven't had enough yet.
7. Extremely finally, christen the abomination with the final, curative piece of bread. Admire it. Imagine you were there when Da Vinci painted the Last Supper (with a cameo by: Judas!), or if you were there when Van Gogh looked onto the horizon and painted "A Starry Night", or if you had been a screaming eight-year-old boy when Hulk Hogan pinned Andre the Giant after a massive bodyslam in Detroit, Michigan at the Pontiac Silverdome in front of 93,000 people. Basically: It's one of a kind, and - somehow - delicious.
8. Eat it. I've had three during the time it took me to write this. Fuckin' mayo is gonna send me to an early grave.
posted by jiromania at 3:42 AM
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