Deadeye Dick
Cheney Claims Self-Defense in Shooting
“He was coming right for me,” VP says
WASHINGTON, D.C. (AP) – Vice President Dick Cheney claimed on Friday that the shooting of his one-time friend Harry Whittington on a Texas game ranch was a matter of self-defense. Whittington, Mr. Cheney claims, was dangerously high on PCP at the time of the incident, and Mr. Cheney feared for his life.
“I’ve never seen Harry like that,” Mr. Cheney said. “Lord knows we’ve done a lot of drugs together, but it never escalated to the point where I was afraid for him, or for me. That all changed at that ranch.”
According to reports, Mr. Cheney and Mr. Whittington indulged in what White House spokesman Scott McClellan called a “drug binge”, consuming various amounts of ecstasy, the impotency drug Viagra, cocaine, PCP or “angel dust”, and alcoholic beverages over a five-hour period. In response to allegations that Mr. Cheney had thus lied about having only “a beer at lunch”, Mr. Cheney responded, “I stand by what I said about only having one beer at lunch. One beer with a hit of dust back.”
Mr. Whittington, apparently spurred on by Mr. Cheney calling him a “pussy”, consumed three lines of cocaine off the bosom of Katharine Harris, the owner of the ranch where the incident happened, shortly before the men and their staffs donned their hunting gear. He reportedly became enraged, and shortly after the hunt began charged Mr. Cheney, screaming “You’re not in an undisclosed location now, bitch!” Cheney responded by swinging around and firing upon Mr. Whittington, hitting him in the face, neck, and chest.
Mr. Whittington is currently in an undisclosed rehabilitation clinic for what his spokesman called “exhaustion”, and Mr. Cheney is known to be armed and dangerous, a Washington, D.C. police spokesman said. Additionally, it is unknown at this time if Mr. Cheney has received innoculation against rabies, the spokesman said; if D.C. residents spot Mr. Cheney frothing at the mouth and acting in an aggressive manner, they are encouraged to call 911.
“He was coming right for me,” VP says
WASHINGTON, D.C. (AP) – Vice President Dick Cheney claimed on Friday that the shooting of his one-time friend Harry Whittington on a Texas game ranch was a matter of self-defense. Whittington, Mr. Cheney claims, was dangerously high on PCP at the time of the incident, and Mr. Cheney feared for his life.
“I’ve never seen Harry like that,” Mr. Cheney said. “Lord knows we’ve done a lot of drugs together, but it never escalated to the point where I was afraid for him, or for me. That all changed at that ranch.”
According to reports, Mr. Cheney and Mr. Whittington indulged in what White House spokesman Scott McClellan called a “drug binge”, consuming various amounts of ecstasy, the impotency drug Viagra, cocaine, PCP or “angel dust”, and alcoholic beverages over a five-hour period. In response to allegations that Mr. Cheney had thus lied about having only “a beer at lunch”, Mr. Cheney responded, “I stand by what I said about only having one beer at lunch. One beer with a hit of dust back.”
Mr. Whittington, apparently spurred on by Mr. Cheney calling him a “pussy”, consumed three lines of cocaine off the bosom of Katharine Harris, the owner of the ranch where the incident happened, shortly before the men and their staffs donned their hunting gear. He reportedly became enraged, and shortly after the hunt began charged Mr. Cheney, screaming “You’re not in an undisclosed location now, bitch!” Cheney responded by swinging around and firing upon Mr. Whittington, hitting him in the face, neck, and chest.
Mr. Whittington is currently in an undisclosed rehabilitation clinic for what his spokesman called “exhaustion”, and Mr. Cheney is known to be armed and dangerous, a Washington, D.C. police spokesman said. Additionally, it is unknown at this time if Mr. Cheney has received innoculation against rabies, the spokesman said; if D.C. residents spot Mr. Cheney frothing at the mouth and acting in an aggressive manner, they are encouraged to call 911.
posted by jiromania at 4:13 PM
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